im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
where are my eyebrows?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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