i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
