Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
