so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
