her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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