Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
