I look better un-naked...
Farmville is her only friend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
