Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
