we have pet lesbian snakes
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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