I CAN MOONWALK!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
