fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
