I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
