didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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