I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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