period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
