They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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