yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
