There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
