wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize