It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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