Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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