my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
