Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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