I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
