I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
