it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
