if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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