is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
