what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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