i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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