next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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