WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
