Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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