You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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