Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
