I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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