I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
