I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize