i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
