i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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