I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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