matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
