Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
