So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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