please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
