I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
