But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
