Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's Friday. Sex?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
