BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
