there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
