I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
