just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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