Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize