How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
