I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
