Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
