you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
