he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
