My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
