Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm both gender and math confused
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