U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
