yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
