i just wanna soil my oats bro
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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