I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You pole danced in your parka.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
