I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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