so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize