We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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