Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
