you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
