Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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