Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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