Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
