i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
