I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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