When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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