What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
