shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize