I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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