I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
