we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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