found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
