I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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