okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
