things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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