Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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