Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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